Abide With Me
by carrotface
Summary: The days after Naruto's departure are marked by the number of times Hinata thinks of him. Oneshot, complete. HinataxNaruto


(A/N: Originally, it was meant to be much, much longer, and conclude with Naruto's return, but I couldn't do it. Anyway, I think it stands well as it is.

Forgive the excessive abuse of commas!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of these characters.)

The days after Naruto's departure are marked by the number of times Hinata thinks of him.

On the first day, she thinks of him while washing the teacups--the fine china rims are patterned with flowers in nearly the same shade of blue as his eyes. While shopping for herbs in the market, she hears a high, clear laugh, a laugh that defies despair and unhappiness and weakness. She screws her eyes shut, warding away the longing to turn around, and goes home.

Another day passes in much the same way.

Three days after Naruto leaves, Hinata goes to the Fifth Hokage's office. The Hokage is at a meeting but, Shizune says reassuringly, she should return in about an hour and is there anything she can help Hinata with?

Hinata dithers for a little while, but Shizune looks like the kind of person who would take her seriously, so she says--timidly, her heart fluttering wildly against the cage of her ribs--_Please, I want to learn medical ninjutsu to...to protect p--people. I want to--to be useful._

Shizune doesn't laugh. Instead, she rests her head on the heel of her hand and looks Hinata up and down appraisingly.

_As a Hyuuga, _Shizune remarks, _you will not be able to devote as much time to the art of medical ninjutsu as it deserves. And Tsunade-sama already has her hands full with Haruno Sakura, so I will most likely be your teacher._

Hinata is nearly dizzy with gratitude. _Th-Thank you, Shizune-san, _she squeaks.

_Actually, _Shizune says dryly, _that's Shizune-shishou now._

Two weeks later and Hinata has become inured to her new life: she trains with her teammates in the morning, and in the evening she practices chakra control until she hardly even notices the slow, grinding pain along the edges of her palms that signify chakra burn.

Three days after that, and she finds Ino tending to a man with a gangrened foot. She stares, until Ino turns to her (tucking her sweaty bangs behind her ears impatiently) and says _Don't just stand there, come and help me._

_Why, _Ino asks one bright summer's day, _is it Naruto? _

She catches the look on Hinata's face—her eyes are astonished and her cheeks are burning, _burning—_and waves her arms around expressively.

_I mean, _she amends hastily, _I know he's not as moronic as I'd thought…well…I know that now, but you knew even before. You always knew. _

There's a slight pause where Hinata's breath comes out a little shallowly. It isn't something she can explain in words that Ino will understand…Hinata isn't clear about a lot of things, but she knows that Naruto isn't dark-haired, or revenge-obsessed or particularly homicidal, and, therefore, he is not Ino's type.

The two kunoichi are having lunch at Konoha General's staff canteen, after a grueling training session that left them both exhausted. It isn't the hottest part of summer yet, and the weather is so fine that it lifts Hinata's mood automatically.

_It's a lot of things, _Hinata says at last, marveling at her own ability to talk about her feelings without feeling nervous or dizzy. She knows that she has changed,and something forms within her…something nebulous and uncertain, but at the same time warm and fiercely intense.

It feels like faith, sometimes. Knowledge of the person he is, and that he is worth _everything _is just…there. Inside her. Pulsing warmly.

_Naruto-kun is…I admire him, _she says, and words are so utterly, _woefully _inadequate that she wants to throw her hands up in the air from exasperation.

Ino just looks at her thoughtfully, sipping her juice through a violently pink straw and Hinata can feel her cheeks reddening.

_It must be nice, _Ino says, _to believe in someone like that. _

Ino's voice is a little hard, a little wistful, and the tilt of her face against the deepening gloom lends a vulnerable twist to her mouth and jaw. Hinata thinks of Sasuke, that boy whom she hasn't thought about in months, but whose fate is almost as important to her as Naruto's is (_they are both linked by fraying threads to that boy with the laughing eyes and golden hair)._

_Anyway, _Ino adds suddenly (seemingly unaware of the sudden tension in the air) _Naruto's not like Sasuke. Sasuke, _she says in the loud, smiling way that makes her endearing, _is the kind of guy who'd be a total nutcase even in bed. Like, in the middle of sex, he'd put a kunai to your throat and go--_here Ino makes her voice deep, gruff and threatening--_ 'I could kill you right now!' Hey, hey, stop laughing, he would totally do that! And even I don't think he's that sexy anymore._

Hinata just smiles and looks down, letting her hair curtain her. It is unfamiliar, this secret joy, and she is always afraid that if she lets herself feel it, it will slip away. Like catching smoke with your hands. Sometimes, in her mind's eye she can see the days stretching on endlessly, slipping through her fingers like grains of rice. She doesn't have foresight, and her intuition is woeful for a kunoichi, but she can see herself living like this, waiting for him, even as some part of him lives in the space between her heart and ribs, and in the steadfast cadence of her heart.


End file.
